On velominati are the ethical rules of the racing cyclist. It’s a humorous approach to how you view cycling as a group. It was pointed out to me when rule 15 was mentioned by a racing cyclist in a twitter message and later on ligfiets.net Below I give a reinterpretation of these rules, now for the recumbent cyclist. I’ve linked the original lines if any for reference, for comparison. It is striking that I had to rewrite fewer lines than the 91 that Velominati had to come up with. This has mainly to do with line 5, which makes many lines from the original text superfluous.
References to the rules have been completed by Maarten. And he easily made references per line. Wherever it says [link], you can now right-click and “copy link address” and copy the link line to a twitter, facebook or whatever message.
Suggestions for changes, please in the comments of the Dutch list. Rule 2 also applies here.
- [link] Rules are unimportant, except for traffic rules.
- [link] All rules (including this one) are heavily criticized, UCI rules are consistently ignored. They are seen as “senseless violence”, or as a starting point for bicycle improvements.
- [link] It’s about the bicycle. Anyone who says otherwise is wrong. (≈ Rule #4)
- [link] Your thoughts are your worst enemy. Think before you ride your bike. As soon as the pedals move, experience the thrill of driving, the smell of the air, the sound of the wheels and your transmission, the feeling of floating on the roads. (≈ Rule #6)
- [link] It’s not about what your bike looks like, what’s hanging on it, what you’re wearing, or whether you’re male or female. If that is important to you, then of course you can secretly ride a racing bike in the evenings. This rule is heavily subject to rule 2 and 3. Discussing what someone looks like, which handlebar is better, how many and how big wheels, what color your bike should be, how many Watts your lamp should be, how heavy your battery(s) weigh, are starting points for beautiful flamewars on mailing list, forums, blogs or events. (≈ Rule #7, Rule #8, Rule #15, Rule #16, Rule #17, Rule #18, Rule #21, Rule #22, Rule #27, Rule #28, Rule #29, Rule #30, Rule #31, Rule #32, Rule #34, Rule #35, Rule #36, Rule #37, Rule #39, Rule #40, Rule #41, Rule #42, Rule #44, Rule #45, Rule # 46, Rule #47, Rule #48, Rule #50, Rule #51, Rule #52, Rule #53, Rule #54, Rule #56, Rule #57, Rule #60, Rule #62, Rule #65, Rule #66, Rule #69, Rule #73, Rule #74, Rule #75, Rule #76, Rule #78, Rule #91). In terms of safety, there is a handy rule of thumb (Van Maarten Zee): Don’t drive faster than your guardian angel can fly.
- [link] It’s about enjoying yourself. If you don’t enjoy it, it’s time for a new recumbent bike, or build another one.
- [link] A recumbent bike is never finished. If your recumbent bike is finished, you bought the wrong one. In that case, follow rule 6.
- [link] There is no such thing as bad weather. It hardly ever rains, wind is good for training or speed, hail is good for your skin. If the weather is bad, you are probably sick, or follow rule 6. (≈ Rule #9)
- [link] It never gets easy, try to speed up. Or not. (≈ Rule #10)
- [link] Take your family with you. If necessary, in or behind your bike. Children or partner(s) can always fix your tires, cook your food, cheer you on, etc. (≈ Rule #11)
- [link] Naturally, partners and children do not have to buy a recumbent bike themselves. For that they need your expertise. If they don’t own a recumbent bike, choose the most uncomfortable bike that allows them to keep up with you. Fortunately, these can be bought in every bicycle shop.
- [link] Purchasing a recumbent bike is a personal matter. Trying, discussing and weighing up are important parts of buying a recumbent bike. How you do that depends on a number of things: The number of bicycles in possession is n+1, where n is the number of (recumbent) bicycles that you currently own. This equation can also be rewritten as s–1, where s is the number of (recumbent) bicycles resulting in separation from your partner. (≈ Rule #12) The budget B(n+1) for your new bike is equal to 1.5 x B(n) recumbent bicycles (or parts) are first offered free of charge to recumbent cyclists before they are recycled as scrap iron. Because in #5 there is also a kind of clause hidden whereby an old, worn or poorly built recumbent bicycle is in fact a new bicycle with defects. If the current owner doesn’t see an opportunity to do that, a new owner will.
- [link] It does not fit a recumbent cyclist to be superstitious. Of course some are, but we don’t make a fuss about it. If your bike happens to be number 13, or if you are assigned number 13 during a race, you wear it with pride. It is of course completely coincidental that Jos has number 14 as a bicycle. See also rule rule 5.
- [link] We admire every bike. Yes, really any bike. Sometimes it is a miracle that someone wants to cycle on it, that is admirable. Sometimes bicycles are really more convenient than a recumbent bike in certain circumstances. Think of folding bike, cargo bike, old rotten city bike that no one can steal anymore, mountain bike.
- [link] Speed is read in km/h or m/s (for the real nerd). Distances are displayed in km or mm. But yes, if no dog understands you because you talk in riddles, you can of course do some conversions for you. Otherwise rule 2 goes into effect.
- [link] Bicycles are preferably cycled to events, regardless of distance or time it takes. If not, the bicycle must be transported on, in or behind a car in an original way. How and whether that is safe? See rule 2. (≈ Rule #25)
- [link] A recumbent bike is always photogenic enough to be photographed. You take pictures by putting down the recumbent bike. Finished. Then you take one or more photos. Then you place it in as many places as possible or you select a photo and place it in as many places as possible. That place can be the internet or at home, work or on your bike. There are recumbent cyclists who think that a recumbent bike should be positioned in a meadow or a beautiful environment, or that someone should sit on it. They probably do that just to ignore this rule. It does not matter. If there is a recumbent bike in the photo, it is successful. (≈ Rule #26)
There sometimes seems to be a need to take several recumbent bicycles in one photo. Special meetings are organized for this purpose, because otherwise it will of course not be possible. No consensus has yet been reached whether this adds anything to rule 17. The discussion focuses on whether nbeautiful is more beautiful than 1beautiful. Until there is no definitive answer, this rule does not exist. See also rule 2.
K: There seems to be a need to position your bike in front of Radio Kootwijk and then take a picture. I even suspect that it is a pure provocation to Rule 17. So I want to emphasize that Rule 17K does not exist. It is therefore not described and anyone who denies that simply confirms it. See also rule 2.
e: A well-known dissident has suggested that there should be a separate rule 17e for electrically assisted recumbent bicycles. Well I didn’t think so. Give it some extra attention. That’s how we keep busy. See also rule 2.
- [link] You only shave your legs if it has been scientifically proven to have an effect. The same goes for wearing helmets and the like. See also rule 2. (≈ Rule #33)
- [link] A racing cyclist, moped, scooter, armored car, folding bicycle, cargo bike, or other vehicle must be seen as a challenge to be overtaken. Unless you see no challenge in that, then you smile affably and go your own way. As soon as this or that one has been overtaken, you brag about it with abbreviations that are incomprehensible to outsiders such as BIS, RIS, SIS, VIS, PIS, etc.
- [link] Rule #19 also applies to staying in front of vehicles for a long time and senselessly. Examples of abbreviations are BVS, RVS, SVS, VVS, PVS, etc.
- [link] Don’t be a bastard. And if you want to be, be a funny bastard. Because in the end we are all brothers and sisters on the road. (≈ Rule #43)
As a recumbent cyclist you are not seen and heard. Even if you drive a high 28 inch racer with horn, bell, flag and sing terrible songs. It does not help. Keep that in mind. It’s your fault that you overtake and scare people. It is important to realize that dogs, pedestrians, elderly ebikers, groups of racing cyclists, cars or other road users never see or hear you. The fact that usually only people are scared to death who are not paying attention, who have headphones on, only look forward, and who are busy with their mobile, is also due to the recumbent cyclist. The exception is older people. They see you, but they are also scared to death. That is pathetic.
Recumbent cyclists are nice people. But because you recumbent, people don’t like you. You do not have to be an ambassador; you get a few natural enemies: horses, ANWB members, dogs. Don’t let that stop you from smiling kindly. After all, you do enjoy it.
- [link] The way you repair a recumbent bike is entirely up to you. Sometimes the recumbent bike imposes restrictions on the position that needs to be repaired. Follow these restrictions (or else rule 2). Any shape in which you can remove the limitations of your recumbent bike, so also when repairing, must be extensively tested. This is only possible by cycling a lot (otherwise you don’t have to repair anything). You only make a bicycle if you want to ride it. (≈ Rule #49)
- [link] Hills must be driven up and down. It’s very bland to be brought up and then whiz down. Besides, it’s even more stupid to have all racing cyclists overtake uphill and then overtake downhill with a big speed difference. (≈ Rule #55)
- [link] Recumbent cyclists cannot cycle uphill quickly. That is because otherwise racing cyclists are not better at anything. Because we grant them that, we strictly adhere to these rules.
People like WH should be criticized extensively for their know-it-all via Mailing List, Twitter and live channels.
However, it could just happen that there is scientific evidence that recumbent cyclists can climb hills just as quickly as racing cyclists. So that WH and associates are right. I think we should keep this quiet. After all, why are you still riding a racing bike? That would be very bad for the economy.
- [link] Buy local or at a recumbent shop at your discretion. When buying online, of course, first check the shops of recumbent specialists. The store you bought it from is the best. Price can be an argument. But a good conversation, stubborn salespeople, a nice thing, are of course also very good purchase arguments. (≈ Rule #58)
- [link]Beautiful and fast bikes are for everyone. You don’t have to be a young cycling god to enjoy aerodynamic or super light gear. Everyone has the right to ride the most beautiful, fastest and chicest bike he or she can afford.
- [link] A recumbent bike is comfortable first and then fast. Isn’t it crazy that you first make a fast bike, but only then think about how you will ride it for hours? You want to arrive at your destination rested, not lame. Exceptions are record bikes. These must be uncomfortable. And after that you have to come out of your bike crippled and exhausted. This should also be included in rule 5, but an exception is certainly in order. And otherwise, on the basis of rule 2, a separate place is justified again. (≈ Rule #60)
- [link] A record is a record if one of the following rules is met:
- [link] You are convinced that it is a record.
- [link] Nobody imitates you.
- [link] There is an instance somewhere that labels it as a record. A combination of rules is actually an exaggeration, but for some better proof.
- [link] The aim of a competition is to win. That can be towards others or yourself. See further rules 26 and 27. (≈ Rule #70)
- Recumbent cyclists are athletes. Always register your ride in a fair way. So don’t pretend to be on a racing bike – like some recumbent riders do on Strava, for example – to be seen as a God. You are not divine. It’s your bike.
- [link] Matches start and end. At what time is the subject of rule 2. Start times are target times. (≈ Rule #87)
- [link] The preparation of a match must start at least 5 minutes in advance. Should the time of preparation of one of the racers start at the time of the start time, the start time is automatically delayed by 5 minutes.
- [link] Riding a recumbent bike during a competition is mandatory. Riding your own recumbent bike is an option.
- [link] You always train. Whether you go to work or a gym. It’s always meant to go faster. Unless you just have a lousy mental state. Then training is meant to survive. People with a lousy constitution can argue about that for hours. Just because it’s possible. Just try to stop them. (≈ Rule #71)
- [link] Respect for the Earth. Waste in the appropriate bins or bags. Small exception for velomobiles or large panniers. These may be filled with waste, but they should not leak waste.
- [link] Crashing, accidents, falls should not be approached humorously. These are extensively analysed. Unless, of course, you know how to express it in a very humorous way. (≈ Rule #81)
- [link] Your recumbent bike has as little “sog” as possible. It’s too ridiculous that you lose energy. On the other hand, you are affable when others complain about the lack of “sog”, such as racing cyclists who happen to pass by (see lines 19 and 20). Bragging isn’t appropriate here (chuckle). Exceptions are during holiday trips or other cases where something more than usual has to be taken with you.
- [link] Take care of your belongings yourself. It is very irritating if you have to ask for a pump or adhesive or a key specifically intended for your type of bicycle. Rule of thumb: Your tool bag and contents weigh approximately 5 % of the total weight of your bike (excluding rider). If you meet another trailblazer, help them. Preferably in such a way that the person is surprised at what you are taking with you. Example: “Do you want to use a hand pump or foot pump? I also have CO₂ cartridges lying around somewhere.” (≈ Rule #83)
- [link] There seems to be an idea that recumbent cyclists always wear ring beards and walk in sandals with goat wool socks and never wear sportswear. Also, it is believed that only tall, tech-savvy men ride recumbent bikes. These prejudices must be confirmed at all times. Always try to meet 1 of the conditions. The others are magically created by bystanders. If it doesn’t work out that day, just say: “I do have a ring beard at home”. That is sufficient in 9 out of 10 cases. Women who are accused of not wearing a ring beard look a bit mysterious about this. That is usually enough to reassure the bystanders.